Interventions for PA/PAS start with self-care: being in the present,
authentic and having gratitude. Success requires goals of leading
a full, balanced and accountable life, and staying positive in seeing
PA/PAS as time-limited stage. Though victimized, never be a victim
of self pity; using evolving strategic combinations of education,
therapeutic interventions and court orders.
Early intervention critical in mild/moderate cases:
20 tips for parents facing PA/PAS:
1. Have clearly established, parenting plan with rules of conduct,
being proactive and consistent in keeping schedules and avoiding
transition of child stress if possible.
2. Use Court as arbiter of last resort; assume higher level of
mutual parental moral responsibility and recognition that it's
about the children.
3. By helping children to find their voice in talking about problems,
as all in family are accountable. Stand up to children's bad behavior
with emotional control, compassion, and gentle accountability,
firm setting of boundaries and avoiding emotional blackmail.
4. Talk with children in age appropriate ways about your feelings
of how changes have happened in everybody's life in order to
achieve acceptance of those changes.
5. Find out about child's interest, ideas and imagination.
Build child's self-esteem, while teaching/learning (and having fun)
is a mutual process.
6. Be knowledgeable about child's life, and staying involved in
school and athletic/ hobbies/ cultural/artistic interests. Volunteer
in church, school, etc.
7. Develop support/informational relationship with people who can
influence children's positive recognition of who you are
(including your parenting.)
8. Understand developmental stage of children and attachment
needs/separation- normal anxiety issues complicates child's
approach-avoidance response to separation/attachment and
independence/dependence.
9. Practice active/empathic and nonadversarial/nondefensive
listening skills with children and others. Practice peacemaking
and finding solutions.
10. Recognition of your and ex's personality and character issues
in repeating behavior patterns as well as what trigger's psychological
vulnerability and emotional responses, and calling "time out" if needed.
11. Hold other parent accountable in consistently documenting behavior
and consulting with attorney (or be knowledgeable Pro Se litigant) with
option of court action always a possibility.
12. Use parenting coordinator, if necessary appointed by the court,
with arbitration/mediation power.
13. Use therapist familiar with PA/PAS cases and legal process
(many therapists will not be comfortable in at times directive,
and at times, authoritarian role).
14. Case management approach established to assure consistency
in development and coordination of treatment plan with case consultation
between therapists providing individual and family therapy.
15. Individual therapy for parents emphasizing learning and taking
responsibility for the individual/family problems in past. Learning and
practicing solution-focused communication and positive, active
relational skills.
16. Mediation between the parents: avoiding children being
triangulated into conflict as message carriers, confidants or
sword/shield/spy.
17. Provide independent communication if possible using cell
phone, instant messaging, letters, and photographs of past and
present to reimplant memories. Magazine subscriptions, seasonal
and holiday cards and presents/ remembrances of any occasion.
18. Encourage relationship with extended family members
19. Recognize and accept limitations in how relationship is
expressed with limited or awkward affection and emotional
withdrawal/outbursts.
20. Never blame children. Never give up hope.
Prepared by Jeffrey Parks, LMFT 508 877 3660 x 5 c. January 24, 2007
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